So back in like February I watched a video by Smosh Games on their “Why We’re Single” series – a super awkward video for the clearly uncomfortable, straight guys in it – where they talk about male game characters that they would date. It was a funny video, but also really interesting to see how these men picked their dates.
But before I talk about their choices, let’s talk about mine. That only seems fair, right? What male game characters would I go on a date with …
…its taken me months to come up with these names, not because it’s so damn hard, but I had truly never considered this. And now I’ve been considering it ever since I saw this video. The more I thought about it the more it made absolutely no sense that I hadn’t asked myself this question before. Why? Because I’ve definitely had conversations with friends, usually when sitting together around a party game or some similar situation, about guys we think are attractive. It isn’t an uncommon thing to talk about among men. More on the homoerotic overtones of male bonding another time.
So who? Who would I go out with? This may seem a little vain, but I’d date the character I made in Dragon Age Origins. He was a rogue, dual daggers. What I liked about him was that he wasn’t afraid to tell people to fuck off, but he was also the most risk taking best friend my party could ever have. If anyone was in a tight spot, Adan would switch plans in a heartbeat for them. I’m a sucker for loyalty. For those wondering, Adan was a brown-skinned male at about 200 lbs, with short dark hair and brown eyes. I wish I had a screenshot of him, but I bought this one on Xbox 360 and I don’t have the machine any more to pull pics from.
That’s an easy one though. What about other characters I haven’t made? Dietrich from Shadowrun Returns: Dragonfall. I like how he carries himself like a wisened veteran, he’s super loyal, and his attitude is awesome. I also think the shamanic runes on his skin look pretty hot. He also strikes me as someone fun and cool to hang out with. I really enjoyed his company while playing the game.
Prisoner Johnson in Prison Architect is growing on me as well. His story makes me want to give him a hug.
The Smosh Game hosts’ picks weren’t any more interesting than mine, really. But that shouldn’t be surprising to any of us. We’re all a little weird when it comes to attraction. What I found interesting was how they made their choices.
Lasercorn picked Cloud from Final Fantasy because he’s a great fighter, he dressed-up “convincingly” as a woman once and he’s got an airship. He also picks Ezio from Assassin’s Creed pretty much because he’s a well-equipped fighter and he’s smooth with the ladies. He talks about how Ezio would take him out to any restaurant he wants. He picks his dates based on how successful they are and also sees himself as assuming a traditionally feminine role in the relationship (where Ezio does the pursuing and wines and dines him).
Sohinki picks Nathan Drake from the Uncharted series and very shyly tells us that Nathan Drake is hot (“no homo”). He admits he likes cuddling and Nathan seems like he’d be a great cuddler. He also picks Prince of Persia …because Jake Gyllenhal plays the prince in a movie and Jake is hot! He picks his dates based on how they look and how good they are romantically (kissing and cuddling). I really got a kick out of him picking an actor over the character itself. Nice touch.
Jovenshire picks Poison from Street Fighter strictly for her looks. He calls her a he/she the entire time he describes how attracted he is to her body. He also picks Snow from FF13 because he thinks Snow kinda looks like a cute girl. Jovenshire picks his dates based pretty strictly on how they look.
I think the video’s great and if you haven’t seen it, entertain yourself. It’s funny and it’s guys being as honest as they’re able on a show that airs to a large internet audience. I think they did pretty good with it, but even I felt awkward seeing how awkward they felt about making these choices. There are some problematic things going on in the video for sure, but overall I took it as guys trying to have an interesting, if awkward, conversation about homosexuality. And for where they are with this in their personal lives, they did great.
If you were to date a game character of the same sex, who would you pick and why?